Probus
by Tris the weatherwitch
Summary: CEILING NEURO IS WATCHING YOU. Crackfic.


Disclaimer: If I owned Neuro, he would be wearing a collar right now. Do you see a collar?

* * *

Yako started suddenly in her bed. _But I don't want to get up_, she thought fuzzily, _it's still nap-time and I haven't picked all of the strappleberries. Oh snapple._

Still more than half-asleep, she glanced at her alarm clock. After glaring for a few long seconds, the red light resolved itself into intelligible numbers. _It's three o'clock in the it's-starting-to-get-early-again. Why am I up?_

When a grumble and a quick look around her room showed nothing to be amiss, she lay back down to hopefully get a few hours more sleep before she had to go to the agency. She couldn't be late; Neuro wasn't the most forgiving of bosses.

As her head touched her pillow, she turned her eyes to the ceiling. _Oh. That's why I woke up. Mmm, sleepysleepy..._

Her eyes closed and she was three-quarters asleep by the time what she had seen registered.

_Wait, what?_

"NEURO WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY BEDROOM?!"

And there the disturbance was, hanging from her ceiling fan--her boss. Master. Demon. Whatever. "Hello, Slave number one, do you know what tiem it is?"

"No, I don't have the time, and you can kiss my butt, jerk," Yako growled at him. For a moment Neuro was taken aback--unused to such lack of subservience from his favorite punching bag--before his usual maniac grin overtook his face.

As his mouth opened again, Yako cringed, "Why it's raep o'clock!"

Her jaw dropped, unable to comprehend what had just come out of the demon's mouth. "Neuro, I told you to stay away from the internet! Youtube is evil!"

"Ah, but you never said any such thing to Akane-chan!" His grin grew darker, "As it is, I am _far_ more evil than anything you unimaginative humans could think up. And it seems we need to have another discussion about where you are in the food chain, worm."

Yako's eyes grew round as she gulped involuntarily, waving her hands in front of her defensively, "Ah, th-that's ok, Neuro. Really, no need for you to go to the trouble. Was, uh, there anything else you wanted to, um, talk about?" _Or did you just come here to ruin my sleep too, jerk_, she grumbled to herself within the safety of her own mind.

_...Or maybe it's not so safe after all,_ she nervously thought as Neuro's eyes gained a decidedly evil glint.

Neuro watched her squirm for a few seconds more before answering, "I found a new mystery, louse, and it's time for me to eat."

"Again?" she groaned, "But you just ate! I only got home three hours ago! My mom isn't going to like it if I--"

Neuro dropped from his perch, straddling her covered legs, and twisted her head around and batted at it like a cat would a mouse. "You were saying?"

"Owowowow. Nothing!" she squeaked, "Sorry I interrupted!"

A paper was dropped into her lap. Taking her head into her own hands, she untwisted it. _No, it's not a paper, it's a magazine._ She read the cover._ Prairie Dogs Run Wild, Thousands Flee? Warthogs Are Contagious? Kings and Queens and Aeroplanes: What the Government Doesn't Want You to Know?_

"National Inquirer? Why do you have a rag like this? This isn't a mystery, it's lies!"

Yako looked up at her--boss--and was surprised to see something besides malice or anger or unholy glee. _Is that disappointment? Why...?_

"Well, then, I'll just take this," Neuro said as he grabbed the magazine and turned to leave.

"Be sure to throw it away, Neuro. In a _trashcan _this time; I don't want to get in trouble again."

Neuro waved her nagging off, not pausing to look at her as he answered. "Yes, yes, whatever you say, _louse._" He paused, looking back as he opened her window and gave her a narrow-eyed smile. "By the way, slave, your nightwear is...colorful. I'm sure Godai would be _interested_ in examining it."

The sla--_girl_ looked down at her current attire before squeaking. Yako glared at the cloth--_really, what was Mom thinking, buying me _purple chicken pajamas?--before the last sentence filtered through. Now beet red, her head snapped up to where Neuro stood--_was standing, he's gone now. And he left the window open too! Jerk. _She sat, glaring at the window, until--

"Oh, and I'm _sure_ you won't be late tomorrow, regardless of our little chat, because you're a good little slave, aren't you?"

"AGH! Don't-do-that!"

Neuro gave her his best wide-eyed innocent look. It wasn't very convincing. "Do what?"

Yako glared before finally lying back down and turning her back to him. "Please close the window, Neuro. It's cold out."

Neuro's grin shrank from the fake, plastic thing it had been to a true smile. He closed Yako's window--surprising them both--before returning to the office. He couldn't help but pat the pocket of his coat, smile widening as he did so. So what if Yako said everything in the 'rag' was lies--which would include the _enhancement_--it was worth a try, wasn't it? _Well, I always wanted to have a third leg..._

* * *

So. I got (ok, begged) a prompt off of TwistedHilarity of y!gal for a contest. Here's the result.

Oh, hey, the prompt might be useful:

- purple chicken pajamas  
- "No, I don't have the time, and you can kiss my butt, jerk."  
- Well, he always wanted to have a third leg.  
- prairie dogs run wild. thousands flee.  
- warthogs are contagious.  
- kings and queens and aeroplanes

* * *


End file.
